Sexist me

Lately, i got into this dreamy pop artist from Sweden: jj. The three songs i heard were incredibly engaging and addictive - the kind of stuff i'd expect to hear at high class beaches. One of them went with this ridiculous "my swag, my life" hook and ran through my head for a week or so. The music was pretty much written for me, and i fell in love with the lead singer guy's voice.

BUT THEN...
I was looking up jj on the internet to see if i could find some info on the band, and i was having a tough time. I finally found an article posted on pitchfork about the band, and my heart sunk. Apparently, the "lead singer guy" was actually a girl. For some strange reason, jj all of the sudden didn't click with me.

I guess i just have a natural prejudice against female singers. The only girl artist's voice i genuinely like is Portishead's singer, but i can name about fifty guys i go crazy for. When i thought jj was a feminine sounding guy, i loved it! Now, not so much. I don't know what i was thinking before - i guess i'm just sexist, because now i see that jj isn't even good. Because she's a girl.

How to ask that girl to prom

A week or so ago I was just walking back to class from an assembly about our upcoming high school prom. I happened to be walking beside my girlfriend, so I was like "Hey, how 'bout you come to prom with me?"

Now, being the traditional girl that she was, she refused my flippant asking and said I'd have to do a lot better than that. Gosh darn. What am I supposed to do? Luckily, all my friends are going through the same issue. You've just got to be creative to get the girl these days!

At lunch, me and the boys had a round table discussion about methods of "popping the Q", or so to speak. Suggestions ranged from sweet, like baking a cookie with "prom?" spelled out in icing, to outlandish, like arranging a bunch of dead bodies to spell out "prom?" in her front lawn.
One guy detailed his affections on a pink slip and left it in his prospect's car.
In the end, after weighing my options, I went with the bodies one.
...Not dead bodies, though, in case you were getting worried.
I got one friend to bend himself into a "P" shape, the next an "R", then an "O", then an "M". Others jumped in, forming exclamation marks and question marks. I believe the product was something along the lines of: "PrOM!???!"
I called her over and presented my handiwork. To my delight, she said yes.

The ghost of Christmas bleh

I don't know what's wrong with me. For some reason, Christmas just hasn't hit me in the heart yet. It hasn't really been a gradual thing either; for some reason, this is the first year that something awful like this has happened.
What did I do wrong? Even earlier this year I would put on some Christmas music in anticipation of what I thought would be a wonderful time. But now that the holiday is so close on my horizon, Christmas is starting to annoy me. I haven't been a very positive person these days, and I guess that could be what's corrupting my Christmas spirit.
I'm scared to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" - what if I don't even enjoy the movie I've loved so much before? That would be a sign of my total descent into the depths of cynicism. Christmas lights still look pretty to me, they just don't look like Christmas anymore.
If this is all just me maturing, I want it to stop. I want to be a kid again. I want to appreciate magic. I'm so jaded. I keep trying to keep myself from being a Scrooge, but so far it isn't working out very well.

Grrrr, I'm a crippled tiger

Tiger Woods had sixty million affairs, crashed his escalade, and got beat up by his wife from what I can gather. Apparently, everyone in the entire world has been following the scandal. In lesser news, there are two wars going on. The question is why does the media follow the celebrity gossip more than the stuff that matters and affects people?
Really, I think it's just easier to laugh and joke at other people's problems. People die in war, so people take wars seriously. SNL isn't going to do a skit mocking a soldier being tortured by Iraqi terrorists. It makes us feel big to see the ones who've risen to the top fall. We don't want them to die, though. As long as Tiger doesn't die, he is fair game for our scrutiny. No one laid off Michael Jackson until he died.
Society is screwed up, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't really a big deal. Society has always been corrupt and it always will be. Nothing we say or do will make a difference. However, I'm not recommending conforming to celebrity stalking. Focusing on what matters might not fix society, but it's good for your feeling of mental superiority.

At least there will be turkey

Next week is Thanksgiving, which, all in all, is a beautiful holiday. The day before happens to be the 17th anniversary of my first contact with light. I would like to thank my mother and my father for bringing me into this world, and the rest of you should also thank them, because without them you'd all be without me.
Did you know that Disney World gives you a free ticket on your birthday? Funny enough, my birthday happens to intersect with my family's staying in Orlando. So now me, mom, dad, and brother 1, 3, and 4 are all going to hit up that magical land of wonders. I've never been there, so I'm a bit skeptical about the whole thing.
First off, I'm having trouble getting excited about the rides. According to ye olde Wikipedia, they have this one ride that features every president ever, but in robot form. My initial reaction is that it sounds like a great historical experience, but on second consideration it sounds like the best way to launch robot world domination. The brightest and the most popular men in history, robo-fied? The last thing earth needs is Jefferson, Jackson, JFK, and Obama working together against mankind.
Moving on, what's all this "It's a small world" business? Isn't that that song that the toucan in The Lion King randomly started singing? Now there's a ride based off of that one moment? Sounds like a painfully mundane, forgettable experience. The song's not even catchy!
In conclusion, these two waste-of-space rides probably bring the rest of the experience down. How can you enjoy Space Mountain when you know you are right next to a crazed, murderous Abraham Lincoln cyborg? How can you scream on the Tower of Terror when a bunch of mini people are lying about the size of the world? You can't.
I will hate Disney, sadly. I will try to like it, but I just don't see that happening.

*****!

A teacher, Ashley Payne, got fired for posting an expletive, that word that rhymes with kitsch, on her facebook. Also, she was holding wine in a picture. The school district forced her to resign because her conduct was "unacceptable."
This is flipping ridiculous. Is there a list of words you are not allowed to post online? Is the school district condoning or even, dare I say it, supporting censorship? Okay, I can understand pushing for a little discretion, but what she posted certainly wasn't against the law and I don't even think it was unethical.
The reaction is even worse. Maybe they could kindly ask her to take the "objectionable" content down - but no, they force her to resign. They have the right to fire her, but shouldn't they have a legitimate reason?
Now, she is suing the school district. Good luck!

My life is no longer mine

I am scared easily by a lot of things. The other day, I was just innocently driving home, blasting my music, singing along. I pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. I opened my front door and sat there for a few seconds with the door hanging open. Finally, I got out, shut the door and started to walk up to my house, humming. Then I looked up.

Standing in front of my house was a big black dog. A very big black dog. So, of course, I was a bit shocked. I froze: maybe dogs work like Tyrannosaurus Rexes and only see movement. Everything was going fine and the dog wasn't attacking me or anything, but we really weren't making any progress, because the dog still wasn't moving.

All of the sudden, it started howling at me! Loudly. By the way, this dog was big. My impulsive self ordered me to walk towards it. So I did, and the dog backed up, and I was able to make it inside.

This was not my only encounter with the neighborhood demon. I spied the evil beast standing in the darkness at the end of my driveway, staring into my soul just last night. I'm beginning to think it is an escaped criminal disguised as a dog, just like in Harry Potter.

There is no escape. It is always watching. My life is no longer mine. It belongs to a big black dog.