I don't know what's wrong with me. For some reason, Christmas just hasn't hit me in the heart yet. It hasn't really been a gradual thing either; for some reason, this is the first year that something awful like this has happened.
What did I do wrong? Even earlier this year I would put on some Christmas music in anticipation of what I thought would be a wonderful time. But now that the holiday is so close on my horizon, Christmas is starting to annoy me. I haven't been a very positive person these days, and I guess that could be what's corrupting my Christmas spirit.
I'm scared to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" - what if I don't even enjoy the movie I've loved so much before? That would be a sign of my total descent into the depths of cynicism. Christmas lights still look pretty to me, they just don't look like Christmas anymore.
If this is all just me maturing, I want it to stop. I want to be a kid again. I want to appreciate magic. I'm so jaded. I keep trying to keep myself from being a Scrooge, but so far it isn't working out very well.
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