The baddest Pokemon team on the block

On Sunday I busted up into the local Wal-Mart and demanded the latest Pokemon game. I was all "POKEMON BLACK PLEASE" and the Wal-Mart guy's all "Show me them greens" and then I whipped out a devastating duo of twenty dollar bills and he's like "Ka-ching". To make a long story short, the guy flipped me the goods and I made myself scarce. In the safety of my golden horse, my golden '05 Pontiac Sunfire, I viewed the loot and revved the engine. Target: men's quartet practice at FPD. Two hours later, after nailing the lower tenor part of "Goodnight Sweetheart", it was just me and the Pokemon.

Days later, my progress is getting to be mildly admirable, and I'd like to introduce you to my team.


See that girl? Her name is Sunraker, because she will destroy you. She'll drop a Leech Seed to suck the life out of your inferior Pokemon and finish you off with Leaf Blade: a SWORD made out of PLANT that can CUT HEADS OFF.

This bird right here is named Brobin. Because he's a robin AND he's a bro. See that funky red hat thing he's got? Only males look like that. Female birds don't have any color. His ability is Big Pecks, which means his Defense stat can never be lowered. NEVER. Leer all you want: Brobin will always have Big Pecks.
This cool as ice fella is named Rosencrntz, like the character in Hamlet, except without the A. He wears his sunglasses even when inside. In a few minutes he will be evolving into a larger, angrier version of himself.
This adorable little critter is named Carraway, after the narrator of The Great Gatsby. She's super nice, too, and a female. Her freshest move is Electroweb, where she shoots a spider web supercharged with electricity.And finally, above is the newest addition to my prestigious team. While she isn't hand-drawn in real life, she still pretty durn cute. I named her Lizaveta, after the supercute girl from Crime and Punishment that Raskolnikov murders accidentally.

Anyways, you might notice there's only five Pokemon here (most teams are six-membered). That's because I haven't yet found a satisfactory Pokemon to fill that sixth slot. If you're interested or know someone else who might be, contact me.