Highlights from my upcoming Weights paper

This semester I am finally fulfilling my weightlifting requirement for graduating. Now, me not really being the weightlifting type, I was intrigued by our first assignment, which was to write a five page paper on various muscles in the body and how to specifically work them out. After some deliberation, I decided to discuss the biceps, triceps, trapezius, pectoralis major, and quadriceps. For interest's sake, I am now going to examine each of these five muscles on myself and write down my observations. First, the biceps and triceps.

For those of you not trained in the art of physical improvement, the bicep is the inner part of the upper arm, while the tricep is the outer part. Experts have warnings about working out the bicep more than the tricep to avoid achieving the "bat-wing" effect. Frankly, "bat-wings" sound kinda cool so I'm probably going to subtly not do my tricep workouts. (Biceps are best when large, in case you recently immigrated here and aren't yet established into our culture.) To work out your biceps, curl large weights with one arm at a time, and then do chin ups. For those unfamiliar with the term "chin up", or those incapable of performing them, you're probably better off sticking to the triceps or becoming an academic or something.

Next, we move on to the trapezius, which is between your neck and shoulder. If you want a big one, it's okay, and I'm cool with that, but I don't really want a muscular area between my neck and shoulder, so I'm gonna let you research this one on your own.

Lastly, we've got the quadriceps, which are your legs. Sprints, jogs, whatever, just keep these babies movin'! Since I walk to class and such, I figure I've got these down. I also saw something about "squats" or some craziness, but, frankly, that sounds unhealthy to me.

And there you've got it: my five step plan to a finely toned body. I will be discussing my results and reminiscing on the good times in the near future.