One dozen starving, crazed weasels

Weird Al Yankovic is funny at first, but his annoying voice can really start to wear on you. Some of his parody songs are pretty clever, but most of them lose the novelty after a few listens. Al's magnum opus, however, never gets old.

One of the most brilliant, quirky, unique things to come out of the musical world is Weird Al's eleven minute epic, "Albuquerque". It's a stream of consciousness spoken word narrative over a rambling guitar track, and it gets funnier every time. The ridiculous places he takes you, the ridiculous characters he introduces you to...there's about thirty laugh out loud moments, thirty amused chuckle moments, and five gasp in shock moments.

One time i was feeling a little bit sad, and I was bored, and I needed a good way to kill eleven minutes. So I listened to "Albuquerque". This has happened many times.

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote*. This guy comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn't had a bite in THREE WHOLE DAYS. Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny I took a big bite out of his jugular vein. And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleedin' all over and I'm like, "Hey man, don'tcha get it?"

Man, some people just can't take a joke, ya know?

*amusing anecdote taken word for word from Weird Al

Let's go exploring.

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Calvin and Hobbes is the best comic strip ever to hit newspapers. Nothing of today even compares. It is optimistic, but realistic. And it's funny.

The characters are so fresh. The dad is the perfect caricature of a typical "let's go camping"-type father; probably my favorite supporting character. The simple-minded bully, the little girl, the frustrated mother...every person (and tiger) jumps out of the page and into your life.

Calvin himself is quite the interesting six-year old. He has a huge vocabulary, and he sincerely believes his stuffed tiger is real. With his imagination, there is no reason to believe Hobbes isn't real. One time, Calvin and Hobbes get into a transmogrifier fight and Calvin ends up stuck as a tiger. Another time, Calvin visits his dad at work on a flying carpet. Often, he just pretends to be an airplane and flies around the yard for extended periods of time.

If I was imaginitive like Calvin, I wouldn't really need real life. Calvin sure doesn't. In his mind, his teacher is a space worm and he is a lone-ranger spaceman. If you can create a dream-like world for yourself, maybe you have found a better life.

But Calvin is always brought back to real life. When he tries to ditch home for the Yukon, he realizes he's better off with his parents. His love-hate relationship with Suzie Jenkins always swings back to the love side no matter how hard he tries to convince himself he hates girls.

For every heavy wagon-careening-down-a-hill philosophy discussion, there is a hilarious Calvin-running-naked-around-the-house-to-avoid-his- bath. Buy a collection and be engrossed in Calvin's world. You might like it even more than your own.