You know you've been sitting at the computer too long when the touchpad is all sweaty

I am a little arrogant, so I enjoy reading things that i've written or looking at old pictures of me and stuff like that. Whenever I write anything, my initial reaction is usually something like "Wow. I am actually a really good writer. I don't know why I ever thought otherwise."

Unfortunately, when I read something I've written, I think it sounds really dumb so I make a ton of edits until I think it sounds really great again. My meter for judging if something I've written actually is good or not is whether I can go all the way through without cringing. I just re-read what I just wrote up until this point and only cringed twice. I wanted to make some edits, but I kept myself from it for the sake of realisticity (<-- pronounced ree-uh-liss-tiss-uh-tee, meaning the state of being realistic, maybe?)

Inevitably though, I don't like something I've written a day later, so when I'm totally and entirely ready to be done with it I have to make sure not to read it again, because that's the only way I'll still think it's good.

[(How I make myself think I'm a good writer: read bad writing. How I make myself think I'm a bad writer: read good writing.)]

Applying to college

I am not good at applying to college. The hardest part is writing the essay, obviously. Namely, I don't know what to write. The common application has one essay on it, and i get to choose from six questions. I guess I just need to brainstorm. Maybe typing my thought process out will give me ideas.

First: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Significant experiences? Um, I've been to some cool concerts - not too deep of an impact there though. My crowning achievement is being elected president of FPD's do-nothing Mu Alpha Theta club. Risks I've taken? Climbing trees...umm...maybe once I burned a pinecone? Ethical dilemmas, I've got to have some stuff there! Racism, sexism, murder...I don't think I have any stories about me taking the high ground. I cheated for money in eighth grade and I learned that that was a stupid thing to do...
Oh well, I've still got five questions to go. I'm sure something will work for me.

Second: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Well. Unfortunately, I'm not really all about the issues. I'm of the viewpoint that one person can't change anything unless they go into politics - and i haven't done that and I don't plan on it. So, I just can't put my heart into writing about rights for animals or unborn children. This question is out.

Third: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

My dad. My mom. Mr. Powell. Jesus. Hint: writing about Jesus is a surefire way not to get accepted anywhere, and the same probably goes for Mr. Powell. Also, writing about your parents is cliché. This entire question is cliché, actually. Definitely not doing this one.

Fourth: Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

I'm going to slap this one with a maybe. Fictional characters that have influenced me? Willy Wonka. Jay Gatsby. I mean, they kind of influenced me. Historical figures like Napoleon maybe? I'm sure I could stretch it or something. Maybe a song that changed the way I am? Casimir Pulaski Day. Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da. Umbrella by Rihanna. Once again: I could stretch it or something. Why do they have to make the topics so vague? Maybe I could choose a creative work of science that has influenced me...except for the fact that I'm having trouble imagining a creative work of science.

Fifth: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

Yeah, I would have to lie to answer this question because I think “diversity” is overrated. I mean, yeah, obviously it'd be better to have a doctor and a soldier instead of two doctors or two soldiers, but in my life? I could write some corny story about how me and my friends are different from each other, I guess.

Sixth: Topic of your choice.

Okay, now you're just messing with me.

In conclusion, I only have one word for you, cool colleges off in the distance: forget it. Because I don't think you'll accept an essay-less applicant. UGA early action here I come.

Girls, etc.

In my experience, when girls get together they talk about things that can universally be considered weird. Also, girls tend to be rather insecure. They get these little pages that supposedly are supposed to go in their yearbook, and then they all write long notes to each other affirming their friendship. They try to get as many people as possible to sign their sheet: it's a game and each signature is a point. When someone asks me to sign their sheet, I have to, to avoid appearing a jerk.

I then write an extremely honest, open letter to the person stating exactly what needs to be stated to them.

Another problem is when a guy gets one of them little sheets. They don't need their position in society to be affirmed - half of what people say on them means nothing anyways. I would never get one, because figure if someone wanted to tell me how much they liked me I don't think I should have to force them to. Unfortunately, not many people do that.

Dumb

Recently, a fifth grade teacher here at FPD had a baby, so she was out of school for a while. My mom was the person they called to be her long-term substitute. To make a long story short, my mom isn't to up on her grammar rules so she contracted me to help her grade fifth-graders' essays.

What really struck me was the extreme range of writing ability the kids showcased. One kid would have written a pretty good, humorous paper with minimal spelling and structure errors. But then the next kid's paper would be hideously hideous! Improper usage of ques?tion marks run on sentences repeated words words badd speling this sentence is excellent compared to some of the stuff the worst fifth graders put out. I can't understand how teachers can even grade students on the same scale. You can't just fail kids who don't have a basic writing ability, can you? They're fifth graders. If they're failing now is there even hope for the future? I realize that once you get to high school classes diverge and the smart kids take honors and AP stuff, but before that the teachers must have an extremely difficult time keeping the lower kids motivated and not feeling lower. To every elementary school teacher I had, I see now how hard it must have been to put up with know-it-alls and smart-alecks like me.